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October 08, 2004

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So I saw this incredibly bright rainbow one day. It appeared to be just down the road, not very far at all. So I quickly got in my car and decided to try to catch the end of the rainbow and find that elusive pot of gold. As I pulled out and down the road, naturally the end of the rainbow moved, but out of the corner of the window of the vehicle I could make out a small structure. Could this be it? Could this be the pot of gold that everybody has been talking about all these years? I stepped on the gas and chased as the end of the rainbow looked as if it was going to move again. But I was ready. I had a full tank of gas and a fast car to beat the odds, if only just this once.

I quickly threw the car into a quick power-slide as it skidded sideways into the gravel drive of the structure directly under the bright prism. Looking up into the sky, I felt like I could just look straight up the edge of the rainbow itself. It had stopped and wasn't moving any more. I drove up the driveway as fast as I could until I reached the end and I could see the building.

    I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car and started to run into the light when I noticed something rather odd. I stopped in my tracks as I saw it come out of the structure. Once I could clear my eyes and finally visualize the building and surrounding area, I finally realized where I was. I then noticed the very large and extremely angry redneck throw open the screen door of his trailer house.  As it crashed open and against the wall, he let out a yell as he raised his large shot gun and aimed it directly at me. Time stood still for a moment and everything seemed as if it were in slow motion. I could see every drop of sweat on the man. The stains down the front of his white tank-top, with his large beer-belly slightly exposed under it. Still chewing his dinner and with his mouth still full of food he yelled. Muffled by the food I couldn't understand what he said. I replied with a very arrogant and annoyed, "Excuse me!?!"

He began to yell a second time. But now, a large part of the food came spewing out of his mouth, through his crooked and sparsely scattered teeth, and the words came out very clear. "GET AWAY FROM MY GOLD YOU...!!"

Then, still in slow motion, I saw the flash from the gun. Before I could even hear the sound of the gun I could see the spray of lead pellets heading directly towards me, spreading as they came closer. Although I felt as if I had plenty of time and could visually see everything that was happening with incredible accuracy and timing, I tried to move, but felt as if I was frozen in my tracks. So all I could do was to just stand there and endure my inevitable demise. I tightened up every muscle and cringed, awaiting the impact. It seemed like forever but eventually and finally the barrage of lead struck me and at the same moment I could finally hear the blast from the gun, as the sound and the shot finally reached its target. I could feel the hot pieces of metal penetrate my flesh as it ripped into my body and into my chest....

   I was immediately awakened by the sound of the remote as it fell from my hand and hit the floor with a loud "bang!" As I noticed the carnage on the TV screen, I reached down, picked up the remote, pointed it at the TV and pushed the button.

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No, this did not really happen, and I made up the whole story. But it really was an impressive rainbow that day and I'm just glad to be able to share it with you all.