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December 17, 2006

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July 4, 1930 - December 14, 2006

    What could I say about Marvis Gali that I could actually fit into one document? Well, that's a tough one. It's not so much about what to say, it's more about all the things I would have to leave out.

    I didn't know Marvis my whole life, as my uncle was married once before her. But after his divorce from his first wife, I was selfish and just thrilled with the fact that my uncle, Carl was coming to visit us more often.
    We were living in Oregon at the time, and Carl was living in Dallas, Texas, working for Texas Instruments. Being fascinated with science and electronics, myself, I bonded with my genius uncle immediately, and took advantage of any opportunity I could to be around him.
    During one of his visits, he was set up on a blind date with this woman from the next town. A few more dates later and Carl brought her over to meet us. Now I have to be honest and say that she basically scared the hell out of me. That woman was tough as nails and didn't have any problems expressing herself as such, and nobody could understand why Carl kept trying to pursue a relationship with her. Especially when she kept avoiding the issue, herself. But he saw something in her that nobody else could see at the time, and maintained his persistence.
    Well, after some time, and several more visits later, he invited her to visit him in Texas. She had no intentions or desire to live in Texas, but she went to visit, and he popped the question. Well, apparently she accepted and they were married sometime after.

    She moved to Texas and immediately went right to work, helping him with his new business. Getting ready to retire from Texas Instruments, Carl and some friends had formed their own company.
    Carl, being a bit too nice and passive, seemed to let his contractors walk all over him, until Marvis came along and helped keep them in check, motivated and organized and helped keep the place going with her "tough as nails approach".
    But it didn't take long for me to realize that under that tough exterior, she was a very soft, caring and nurturing person.
After I got out of high school I was invited by Carl to come to Texas to get a new start and work for his company.
I have to admit it wasn't easy, and being in my early twenties, I thought I knew it all, and Marvis and I didn't really see eye to eye on several occasions. But Carl reminded me of my position and stood up for her and told me something that has had a huge impact on me for years. He told me, that no matter how I felt about Marvis, she made him happy. And that totally changed my attitude, and I came to realize that I really didn't know as much as I thought I did.
    Time went on and Marvis and I saw through our differences and eventually became good friends. And after I witnessed, first hand, how she came unglued when she heard a small mouse in her garbage can, I realized that she was not as tough as she let on, and that there was a very soft side to her. 
    While I was staying with them she never hesitated in doing my laundry or making something eat, and I learned to appreciate so many things that I was taking for granted.
    I didn't really stay with them all that long, and eventually moved out and got my own place.

    Years later, they sold the business, bought some land in Arizona and moved away. I came out to visit on a few occasions and enjoyed my time out there and realized that Marvis was so happy out in the desert and her demeanor became even more pleasant and she was so much fun to be around. They had moved an older mobile home out there and lived in it until their new house was built. I definitely acquired even more respect for the fact that she was so patient with the situations she was confronted with and made the best out of them, and seemed to enjoy them on each turn.
I had moved to Virginia in 1997, but still made several trips to Arizona, and the two people that I had basically adopted as my best friends and surrogate parents.
    In 2002 I took my trip around the country on my motorcycle and stopped in Tucson twice. At that time Carl was working on a new process to break down sewage and municipal waste into fuels and other resources. 
By 2004 he had a good process down and asked me to come out and help with some of the other details involved with the project. I was more than happy to oblige and moved out myself.
    Certain things didn't happen quick enough for the project and I have been in a bit of a stalemate with my future plans. But I have managed to keep myself busy and with a reasonable income.
Marvis was so helpful in everything I did, and was always accommodating and supportive to each and every hurdle I ran into. 
    We would often make jokes back and forth and I got such a nice feeling in just seeing her laugh and smile.
Sharing the same mailing address, I would come over almost every day to retrieve my mail. One day I looked in my stack and noticed that there were no bills. I made a pleasant comment about it so she handed me their stack of bills and jokingly said, "Here, you can have these."
    I laughed and said, "I know those aren't mine. Mine only come in pink."

    When Marvis came down with some problems with her throat I was sure that it wasn't anything serious. She just seemed like such a healthy person. But one problem after another left her bed-ridden in the hospital. Carl was by her side all the way and would definitely have spent 24-hours a day there if nobody relieved him and took over watch.
    At first I was a bit indifferent about monitoring her that extensively, and didn't see it as being quite so necessary. But one night, while I was there, her I.V. came loose from her arm, and blood squirted out. It was actually not that big of a deal, but after I realized how bad the circumstance could have been, and saw the fear in her face, I realized how desperately important it was to be there. After all, she had a tracheostomy performed on her throat and could not yell, or even speak for herself. So after that moment I was there almost every night, relieving Carl so he could go home and get some very needed rest. Those hospital cots are not the most forgiving to sleep on.
    After some time, Marvis was able to return home, with her trach', a feeding tube in her stomach, and a plethora of various pieces of medical and breathing equipment. We were all educated on how to care for all these peripherals and took on the task. But none more than Carl. Each and every day he was right there by her side, doing whatever necessary to maintain her health while she underwent her radiation and chemo' treatments, constantly holding her hand and reassuring her that he would not leave her side.
    The suffering that she endured throughout those months were horrible and I would not wish them upon anybody. But she stayed tough and was determined to fight it.
    Unfortunately, on the night of December 13th, she could no longer win the battle. It is speculated that, as the cancer spread, a tumor burst and filled her lungs, and she died that night shortly after her arrival to the hospital.
    Her pain and suffering was gone. But so also was the presence of a truly wonderful friend, mother, wife, and human being, and she will be missed by a lot of people.

    We went to the funeral home to make the plans for the memorial service. Upon the question of who to get to speak on Marvis's behalf, one of her daughters made the comment that she didn't want just anybody to speak, because that always seems a bit too impersonal. It made total sense to me, and Carl turned to me and asked if I could do it. 
    Well, I have to say that I was immediately terrified at the thought of trying to speak in front of a crowd, with my feelings as strong as they were. But I was also very honored and there was just no way that I could not say "no".
I would talk to Carl about his feelings and things that he wanted said, and throw in some of my own. We also discussed music, and I had actually already been working on "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. If you've never heard this song, you must.
    During one of my nightly visits with her in the hospital, the song came on the TV on some show, and Marvis lit up and expressed how beautiful she thought the song was. I had never heard it before that, but agreed. Later I had decided to work on it and play it for her when she got better. Well, I guess you could say I finally played it for her, but a bit too late.
    Then we talked about a few other possible songs. But I told Carl, if he could think of any others, that I would be able to learn them within a day. Well, I'll be darned if he didn't make me put my money where my mouth is. The evening prior to the memorial service he remembered the song that they played at their wedding, and one that was a favorite when they were dating. "Lady" by Kenny Rogers.
    I worked on the song and played it as well as the "Hallelujah", and "Silent Night".

    She was my friend, my surrogate mother, and she made my uncle so very happy for more than 25 years. She is and will always be missed by me in so many ways.

    As I stated, I had to get with Carl to gather his feelings and things he wanted expressed and said at Marvis's memorial service. I know it wasn't easy for him under the circumstances, but some of the following is what he was able to relay to me.
Then it fell upon me to try to keep my composure together long enough to get it out myself at the service.

    - She was a good partner, wife, and most of all, my best friend.
    - She was always a good mother to anybody who showed up.
    - Everything we did, we did together. From business to home to friends and family.
    - She was tough as nails, but soft as snow.
    - She knew how to entertain.
    - She was always busy doing something, and never got bored.
    - She left a good impression upon everyone she met, and was never a stranger.
    - Patience was her strong suit.
    - She was very organized.
    - She took her place in life and made it count, and made a difference in a lot of people.

    The following is from a 25-year anniversary gift from Carl's sister, my aunt, Frieda. After looking at it, Carl and I decided to include it in the memorial service, because it fit Marvis perfectly.

        The name "Marvis":
    - She settles most things in an amicable way
    - She loves serving others
    - She's like an early evening melody
    - She is a strong, caring, and down-to-earth lady
    - She has giving ways, and is thoughtful of all
    - She has eyes that are gentle and kind
    - She is a person with a good, reasoning mind
    - New tasks excite her


    I personally thank you for taking the time in reading through this and learning about a person that meant a great deal to myself, my uncle, her family, and many others.

    Knowing her has definitely made me a better person.

                We miss you, Marvis.

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